Here's a compilation of a few things we face every day. Please do everyone a favor and don't repeat these blunders. We're here to help customers. Help us help you!
Don't bother reading the product documentation. Everyone knows that Tech Support puts the most commonly asked questions with responses and current troubleshooting information in the docs just to take up space.
Don't bother looking at the Tech Support Web site. Yes, Tech Support has a lot of information there but why waste your time looking for the answer if you can waste someone else's time? Then when you have something really important to ask you'll have ensured that they are too overwhelmed with trivial/common questions to deal with the real issues you might face.
Write Tech Support saying "This product doesn't work. What's wrong?". Do not tell them which product it is, nor give any identifying information such as version numbers, usage, or environment. Nor should you indicate what sort of problem you are experiencing. "I having the problem... [nudge nudge]. You know the one!"
When Tech Supports tells you what the problem is, argue with them. If you are given a list of possible causes don't bother working through the list. Just affirm that you are sure those causes are not a problem on your system. The years Tech Support has spent supporting these products -- yea, the 1000's of systems they've worked with -- does not mean they understand your system.
When Tech Support asks you to upgrade to the current version and test it against your problem, argue with Tech Support. Tell them you are sure it won't work either. Obstinacy is a powerful tool you can use in preventing Tech Support from solving your problem.
Ask Tech Support to write and send you scripting code to do a specific function utilizing the product. You know they don't have anything better to do with their time than write the applications you get paid to write!
Send your tech support request message once a day. That ensures the Tech Support's mailbox will be filled and they'll have problems sorting through them all. You might even send a copy every couple of hours sounding more insistent and more desperate each time.
Ask Tech Support to design your application. After all, you've paid, or are looking at paying $49 or $69 and surely they can throw in 5 or 10 hours of design time at that price! You might want to send a 3 page design document that details your needs.
Send a really long support message. Ask 20 or even 30 long-winded questions. Make it read like a novel. Remember, this might be your chance to break into the paperback publishing scene!
Write Tech Support and ask them support questions for other company's products. Ask them about Cold Fusion or the install problems you had with Microsoft's The Magic Bus Tour. You just know they love supporting other company's products in addition to their own!
Maybe you are new to scripting. Maybe you can't figure out how to use a built in scripting function. Maybe the script interpreter insists on complaining about your script's syntax. Maybe your logic is just plain wrong. No worries! Go ahead and write Tech Support. Tell them "I know this isn't a script problem. What's wrong with [product name]? It isn't working [as I am willing it to]."